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Searching for Meaning Amongst Fragments

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Seldom have I made a more deliberate piece.

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Not long ago, I asked a physicist how black holes could move when time did not exist past their event horizons. Why wasn't the mass stuck at a fixed position then? He told me that I was forgetting a fundamental tenant of relativity, that "there is no preferred reference frame." That was exactly what I needed to hear. 

Below is a drastic turn from the comment I made in Solar Guardian by UniversalKinase.

"There is no preferred reference frame." In short, no matter what, we are all being silly and arbitrary as we play this game, but at the same time we're not wrong.
Is it purely self-deception that drives us forward? The easy answer is that we are just machines doing what time has sculpted us to do, but I find that answer immensely unsatisfying despite its seeming accuracy.
I know I don't have to understand. I know I could just take a metaphorical blue pill from Morpheus, and pretend that I didn't know this, or pretend that it didn't bother me, and go back to focusing on tasks which my heart believes are pointless. I can do that, but I still don't know why I should.

That is why I am searching for meaning. I wanted to find an objective truth for why, something that was simply true, some external anchor, but alas, I cannot fool myself into believing that such a thing even exists.
The narrative that I was taught was the human story did not include the sheer volume of paralyzing conflict, dissent, and arbitrary objections that I see the world contains. That narrative is shattered, but it was the only cause I ever believed in. Stupidity, greed, fear and hatred are baked into our species like rancid butter in a cookie. More than that, they are inherent parts of biological thought. Even if you created synthetic life, a computer that mirrored the brain, it would be subject to the same "flaws" as long as it had a similar system of internal rewards, and the imprecise calculations that allow learning to occur. 4.3 Billion years, and the result is just things that are good at making more of themselves. I was foolish to think that anything else could ever arise.

No.
I must succeed where all the King's horses and all the King's men could not.

When I ask myself why I loved the idea of the narrative I was taught about mankind, I can only say that sometimes I think that certain things that people create are beautiful. 
Is replication beautiful? I don't think so. Does complexity make something beautiful? I don't think that either.
I do think people sometimes have beautiful ideas, as arbitrary as that designation may be. There are people who do and say beautiful things.
Sometimes we create things that are so fascinating, that witnessing them brings joy unbidden, and though it may be arbitrary, it is difficult to not want to stick around and enjoy such marvels.
Yet, to focus only on the beauty, and ignore the fact that it is surrounded by mountains of maggot ridden dung takes a lot of effort.
Is that effort worth it?

I want to say, yes.

I know I can't say speak for anyone else, but I still love the beautiful things that mankind can create.
I still love the fact that we have greatness within us, even if it is bogged down by innumerous flaws.
We can still make that narrative true. Do I think that we will? Honestly, it's unlikely. We'll probably collectively end ourselves as a species, and destroy half the planet in the process. Yet, those tiny glimmers of sincerity and ambition to create a brighter future give me hope. Even if only a tiny percentage of humans are more beautiful than they are ugly, (obviously I'm talking about their actions and thoughts here), then it is still worth it to try to save our species. 

Am I being irrational about this now? Probably. Love makes people irrational. Love is the strongest emotion that a human can feel, and it overrides our other neural circuitry. It makes it so that we don't question what is lost in pursuit of helping that which we love. 

You cannot hate something or somebody, unless that thing or person is a threat to something you love. I love mankind, and I love our planet. Therefore, I also hate mankind, for it is a real and powerful threat to itself and our planet. You cannot feel any emotion about anything, unless you have decided to love something. Remember that. If you ever feel sad, angry, joyous or anything else, you feel that because of what you've chosen to love. Even if you try to love nothing at all, I bet you can't keep up the act. I couldn't. I still felt something, repressed as it may have been, that drove me to try to search for this conclusion. I was unsatisfied with my thoughts until now.

I am still the person I once was. I can put the narrative back together, forgive the high risk of failure, and strive once again, because I now remember that I still love something. I don't have to try to temper that, or distance myself because I know the pain that accompanies that decision. 

Enough of these 5,000 permutations to try to find meaning through analysis. I have found my answer, and despite everything, it is still true.
If you are reading these words, a lot of them probably seem a lot shallower than you might expect. They don't feel that way to me, at least not right now.
I will remember this conclusion, and if I ever start to forget, I will look back here, and honestly consider what I wrote again. Right now, I'm willing to bet, that in my heart, I will still love the same things.
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I created this fractal in apophysis.
I hope you enjoy it.
Image size
2048x2424px 3.54 MB
© 2015 - 2024 UniversalKinase
Comments6
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marthig's avatar
Beautiful, with just the primary colours :clap: